10 Sexual Fetishes That Are Just Wrong

Sexual fetish. Everyone has it. Dirty, unusual sexual fantasies only enjoyed in our individual brains and acted upon in the cloak of secrecy. No human mind is free from the trap. But we all have to admit that there's a thin line between being an adventurer and being a downright freak who should be admitted in a very potent mental asylum. There are so many kinds exist that crosses from what make one sexually curious to what makes one a completely insane 'onisekuse'. To have such an urge is bad enough but to let people in on it, that's a risk you should not be willing to take. For the sake of not boring you all with a long write-up, I'm only gonna list 10 sexual fetishes you should NEVER let anyone else know you have.

BDSM

For the spirikoko readers who snuck onto this post out of curiosity when their moms weren't looking, BDSM stands for 'Bondage Domination Submission and Masochism'. Now a lot of people have widely accepted this strange option for a sexual turn-on but let's wrap our minds around it for a second. Picture this- an individual does not feel sexually motivated unless he/she is bound hand and foot, gagged, choked, beaten, maltreated and flogged to a level of physical assault that ranges from the amount it takes to move a stubborn mule up a rocky hill in Jerusalem to the average punishment doused out to a typical sugarcane plantation negro slave? Need I say more?

Pissing

This one almost gave me an aneurysm. How on God's green earth can someone admit to another person that the only way they can 'get it up' is if their partner urinates all over them? Since when is urine an aphrodisaic? The fact that there are people who're open to this sort of thing is beyond my understanding. Some even go as far as drinking the other person's pee. I mean..... Drinking pee? I understand if its a condition given by some die-hard 'dibia' as your only avenue to 'make the dollars-and-pounds' but as a trigger to sexual arousal...? Yuck!

Beastiality

No matter the excuse, no matter how much I need to get in the mood, no matter how desperate the konji has gotten me, there is no way- and I mean NO way in this lifetime or the numerous other lifetimes I'm sure I'll live- that I'll be gingahed by the thought of sleeping with an animal. Not only is this borderline crazy but it's also animal curelty. You're basically committing unnatural coitus AND rape at the same time(cos last time I checked, animals can't give consent to sexual advances). Now, I'm pretty aware that a lot of people do this for money- ergo, the throes of porn videos depicting titles such as 'horny chick gets rammed by 16-inch cock of a horse' but how do those who download these videos for the purpose of wanking off think....? Eww...

Foot Fetish

There are so many parts on a woman's body worthy of getting you hard under your jeans- lips, boobs, curves, ass, pussy....even the belly button. But the feet? As in, whaaaaat??? Believe it or not, some men get really hard just by seeing the feet of certain women. The go bonkers over the sight of what they consider as the 'right foot size' or the 'perfect toe-to-toenail ratio' or the 'alluringly curved heels'. And it doesn't end there. Foot fetish involves some of the most ridiculous sexual obsesssions with the human body like foot licking, washing, foot masturbation, sniffing of foot odour, foot jobs...I understand the crave for a good handjob but please, how can a pair of feet ever give you the same satisfaction as a good handjob? And some would even go as far as licking the damn thing as if there's ofe nsala smeared all over it.... Chai....

Food Fetish

 Both men and women are guilty of this complete oddity. It's a very enticing, yet very strange option for solo sex. I remember seeing a scene in a popular american movie (name withheld) where a guy who while looking for a new way to jerk his sausage off, ended up considering his half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich.......and actually used it. Imagine that- sticking your john in two slices of bread coated in jelly and peanut butter. And for the women, the options are endless. Carrots. Cucumbers. Cocoyams. Pineapples(yes! I once heard of a chick who gets turned on by the feel of the rough skin of a pineapple on her punani). Broccoli. Candy cane. And the boys are not left out. They use all sorts of food and fruits to get it off- grapefruit, donuts, maple syrup, even fufu! Jisos!

Shit Fetish

Ugh! This one had me throwing up the first time I witnessed it. As one of those unfortunate teenagers who were too shy to approach girls and had to succumb to the seemingly comfortable, yet addictive world of porn, I have explored countless weird categories- granny porn, fisting, gangbang, futanari...so many. But the first time I came across a clip showing two people kissing and touching with faeces all over their bodies while licking crap off each others faces, fingers and buttholes, I threw the fuck up! How does one get aroused by shit? Igbe! Nshi! Merde! Abeg, abeg....if you're one of those people who gets sexually activated by the sight or smell of your partner's deuce, you need medical AND spiritual attention QUICK!

Incest

I'm a freak, I admit that. I admit it because I've had the hots for various members of my family. However, those members are usually bounded by marriage or very distant family ties- step-mothers, step-sisters, second-cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law... Standard levels of unsual. But why would I have the hots for my own blood sister? I mean, we shared the same womb, suckled the same motherly bossom, share the same DNA.....its just too weird! Yet, many people get turned on by their own blood brothers and sisters. Do you realize how freaky that is? There is just no words to describe it. Shey man or woman don finish for life? Haba! Why nah? WHY NAH??!

Necrophilia

Oh sweet Persephone, I beseech you to intercede to Hades on behalf of those who prefer a cold, stiff body over a warm-blooded, live one. I heard of many stories- really strange stories- about people caught pants-down, humping or riding dead bodies. And what got me really irritated is when I found out that for many of these people, the reason had nothing to do with cultist, ritualistic or spiritistic intentions. They just get moist by the thought of shagging a dead person! Are you alright? ARE YOU NUTS?! Shey o ti ya weere ni?!! Even a completely insane person will never go for such an option! You need to be locked up, fah!!!

Rape

Not only is rape a crime, but it's an insult to the dignity of humanity. Whatever happened to mutual consent? Whatever happened to the satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that the other person said 'yes' and completely meant it? Yes, rapists should be hanged by their genitals over a blazing bonfire- their heads slowly roasting under the heat as they cry in glorious agony......! My God....I kinda lost it there for a second... Forgive me, I'm not that sadistic. But anyways, back to topic. Now, my problem isn't with the rapist- we've already established the fact that they are less than scum of the earth. But what should we say about those who get frisky from watching a person getting sexually violated? What's our take on that? Well, I'll tell you what it is. Its SICK!!!!

Pedophaelia

Getting sexually motivated by the thought of shagging a 6-year old??? Now, this category of people should be flogged in public and fed to hellhounds! I mean, they should have a hot 12-inch nail driven through their pee-pee holes! They should have their dicks cut off, roasted, chopped and marinated in their own blood right before their very eyes and be fed to them! They should have a baseball bat rimmed with barbed wires jammed up their vaginas and assholes! They should be shot in the spleen and be made to watch as the shooter fucks the hole with a stubby 16 inch dildo. They should be made to cry for forgiveness by death and still be made to suffer some more.....

I think I'm losing it....

I'm gonna go see my reverend father now.