'That girl fine die!', said every guy ever! The joy that comes with finally convincing that 'shima' you've been toasting for the past 9 weeks is unrivaled- not even by the joy of witnessing the birth of your first-born. But sometimes(oh, who am I kidding...MOST times), that joy is short-lived as you noticed that in less than 1 week, you've spent more money satisfying that girl's every need than your parents ever spent educating you from primary to university level! A terrible thing, ain't it? Well, worry no more! I got a few tips to help you decide within the first 24-48 hours if she's the girl of your dreams or the nightmare of your wallet!
She's always on makeup
Do you know what she really looks like? Have you ever seen her true face? No? Not even at night...? Not even after she's gone in for a shower at your place and you were in the bedroom when she stepped out...?! Ma guy, run like the wind because that one has an appearance to keep up- lifestyle habit that is known to rack up expenses. And she's definitely planning to put those expenses on you!!
She can't do without extensions
Her hair has extensions. Her nails have extensions. Her eyelashes have extensions. Even her pubic hair has extensions! For some reason, she's obsessed with looking like an ebony representative of Cruella De Ville and yet for some other reason, she believes she's 'killing it'? Oh, she's a killer, alright... A killer of bank accounts!! Girls who depend heavily on artificial support for aesthetics are usually that way so...ogbeni, ja pa!
She takes too long to get ready
You've made plans to take her out to the mall(some guys still think this is a treat and well...I don't blame them, I blame the girls who make them believe THIS is a treat!). You're thinking the basics- ice cream, pizza, window shopping... You get to her place and she's like, 'gimmie a few seconds to freshen up,' and you notice that a few seconds has turned into 2 hours? Dude, don't wait... Go and window shop alone 'cos if she folo you comot, you go buy window join that day! It's the mall, not the Buckingham Palace so who is she hoping to impress so badly?
She's obsessed with trends
The latest wears. The latest gadgets. The latest hairdo. The latest Instagram poses.... If she's always talking about 'the latest whatever', she's an attention seeker and a crowd pleaser. Crowd pleasers are basically actors and actors need costumes, makeup, lighting and cosmetics which are expensive. But actors can't afford these things on their own so they hunt for endorsement deals. So if you go in, you'll surely be paying for those so bro, please, no matter how hot she looks or how busty her thoracic region is or how much flesh is bustling for freedom in those leggings, please don't be her endorsement deal.
She never offers to pay for anything
Not even as a courtesy. Why? Because materialistic girls have one rule. ONE rule that supercedes all others and it is if they go out with a guy, it is his responsibility to treat them to something nice. Even when he has no plans of such, they do the shopping and the hunt for treats, caring little about how costly their choices are. And they expect YOU to settle the costs or they become 'embarrassed' to be around you. It's so bad that they even expect you to pay for their ride home! Once you notice that girl you've been going on various dates with has never for once offered to foot at least part of the dinner cost, then she's an 'owo epo'.
She's always talking about money
Even the ones who are smart enough to disguise their ojukoro lifestyle cannot hide this one. Money is the number one object of motivation for all covetous people. They love it, they worship it, they will definitely talk about it with such passion that you'll think money was actually the name of a favorite family member of theirs! So, if she's always ranting on and on about how she wishes to have so much money to spend and spend, she's definitely planning on fulfilling those spending fantasies at your expense and she wouldn't mind if it's your meager savings or your college tuition so....better make an excuse and escape through the toilet window.
She always asks for 'favors'
Once you get involved with an 'oshofree' girl, you become her personal ATM. No, worse. You become her personal genie. And you're even the worst genie because she doesn't even have to rub anything before she makes her wishes. One minute, you're being generous enough to send her some airtime and the next minute, she's bombarding you with calls with requests ranging from money for moisturizing cream or making her hair to money for jamb or final year project! You get the power? Maybe my English is too difficult for you so lemme rephrase, 'sho lagbara e?' No? Well then you better japa!
She never considers your pocket
Ehn, why would she? Wetin concern her with how much you de make? You think she cares about what you can or cannot afford? It's not marriage na. It isn't 'For Better, For Worse'. Once it gets worse, she hops to the next person so open your eyes, you dumb, horny idiot!! Now listen..... Would a girl who truly cares about you ask you to make her happy with a token of 200k when she knows you live on a monthly budget of 50 grand? I say no! So better find your square root before you goan collect LAPO because of woman!!
She's attracted to flashy things
They say diamonds are a girl's best friend. I say anything that glitters under the sun and street lights are a materialistic girl's best friend. Most women tend to believe that the fancier an item looks, the more expensive it is. Now, if said woman has a thing for 'things', then flashy and fancy will be her drug. She would always leave a longing glance at that guy in the fancy suit and well-polished Brogues, rocking the gold Citizen wrist watch at the next booth or that pot-bellied chief who just stepped out of a glossy black Range Rover. You don't stand a chance, bro.
She always expects gifts
Is she always moody or cold towards you whenever you visit her empty-handed? Or is she the bold anuofia who's stupidly confident enough to confront you lines like, 'Ahan! And you didn't buy anything for me on your way here?!', when you show up at her doorstep to say hi? Then she's no good for your financial health. Come to think of it sef, why should a girl get angry and give you attitude everytime you visit her without a gift?! Is she normal?! Are you Santa?!! Is her house an altar?!!!! Mahfren, change am for that tozo and walk out on her like a boss with your head held high. Then stop at the nearest nkwobi joint and treat yourself to a cold bottle of Heineken and some spicy snail jare!
Life's too short for iranu!
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