As long as you're a guy who loves drinking, you'll always look for an excuse to hit the bar. And since those who seek shall always find, we never run out of reasons- horrible bosses, horrible employees, horrible family members, nagging spouses, heartbreak, demanding projects, economic recession, cold weather, hot weather, depression, anxiety, debt, pregnancy scares, insomnia....so many. Of course, not all reasons to drink are negative- birthdays, childbirth, first pregnancy announcements, weddings, celebration of life, anniversaries, promotion, housewarming, sports tournaments, Easter, Christmas, New Year's, even Mothers' Day! And then there's the simplest reason of all; hanging out with your friends. Regardless of the condition or situation that got you really tipsy, the fact remains that as far as guys are concerned, they tend to get chatty and expressive once their inhibitions have been doused with liquor. And there is a constant set of topics they tend to dive upon once the beer-brain kicks-in. I've rounded them up to these few;
Sports
It's no surprise to see even the worst fan of any form of sports become an instant analyst and critic once there's 'mmanya' in his system. This sight is especially popular in bars or at viewing centres that happen to have bars. Here, you have the 'real' sports fans and that one guy in their midst who just doesn't fancy football or basketball or cricket. Give or take a few shots later and you'll see that same guy engaged in a steaming hot argument with his sports fan friends about a team or athlete he could barely care less about 47 minutes ago. The odd thing happens when he starts calling the players by name and actually get them. Or when he refers to their position on the field and turns out right. Or worse, when he makes a historical reference to an incident related to the player or game in an effort to make a point and you realize he actually has an inkling of an idea what he's talking about. Thanks to booze.
Movies
Not everyone is an avid fan of movies(weird, right?). And for those who are, not all of us are captivated by every movie industry. Some love Hollywood, others cannot stand it. Some can die for a typical Bollywood movie, others(like me) would die first before sitting through one. And some who believe they have to be patriotic in every way conclude that no other kind beats the one we have on home soil. Well, after a few drinks, it no longer matters if you're a fan or not. Somehow, someone somewhere in the gathering always springs up a movie-related topic and in seconds, every intoxicated guy in the group is passionately arguing to defend their favorites- including the ones who do not really have any. I wonder why...
Music
Oh, this one's a no-brainer. And it's the easiest to trigger since most bars are fond of jamming tracks through heavy-duty speakers at obscene volume levels in an effort to attract patronage. So, it's usually not surprising when some random person already on like....6 beers blurts out, 'Davido yii o ti e mo orin ko gan sef!', kicking off a verbal war between Davido lovers, Wizkid lovers, Olamide lovers and even other guys who couldn't care less what the difference is between 9ice and Nine Inch Nails but who are too drunk to remind their brains that they never really fancy music to that extent in the first place. Most times, the argument is enjoyable but at certain times, it usually spirals out of control and the fanatic in each guy surfaces. In such cases, punches might begin to fly but let's not dwell on that for now...
Fashion
Once the beer goggle kicks in, guys will no doubt get chatty and extremely light-hearted. This makes them open to whatever topic that is rolled out the table. Don't be surprised to notice the issue of fashion popping out as one of the numerous options for discussion at the drinking table. It might start with one of the guys at the table noticing a gold-crusted Ray Bans sunshades or a beautiful Rolex watch or perhaps the really cool pair of Brogues on some random passer-by and then kick off with his commenting on the looks, sharing likes and dislikes regarding the accessory and spinning-off a cycle of banter among the others about who has the best fashion sense, what shouldn't be trending, what used to trend and should never have stopped as well as funny fashion statements each of them had witnessed.
Food
Alcohol tends to give you the munchies. Yes, I know it doesn't match the level you get when you're on 'ganjah' but still, you tend to crave food when you drink. Strangely enough, you would notice that in the time it took you to finish those bottles of wine with your friends, you guys had gisted on and on about how delicious the peppered meat/fish was, extended the topic towards that one time you all went to a friend's dad's mom's burial ceremony and they served you guys some mean-looking amala with efo-riro and pieces of beef large enough to feed Kenya, and then, it spirals to a cackle-galore as you all begin to contribute funny food stories, delicious food favorites and freaky food combos. Don't be surprised if more peppered snails, gizzards and ponmo come and go during the discussion.
Politics
The belief that men are political animals is one that has been fused with their genes since the dawn of humanity. A great percentage of males already have it wedged in their subconscious mind that they have the mental capacity to analyze, scrutinize and highlight on anything related to the political sector. But this trait is most observable once men have drained a few bottles of alcohol. And you don't even need to be at a bar to witness this one. Just stand at a typical newspaper stand at a bus-stop, at any 'aboki kiosk' around you or even in a bus. If there's a gathering of an 'all-male' group in any of these places, the chance of witnessing one tipsy individual yapping on as if he was present at the drafting of the Nigerian Constitution is very high! And if he has contenders, don't not be surprised either if you smell a hint of gin, brandy, whiskey or cheap bitters in the atmosphere as the heated exchange of points ensue.
Life Goals
Do you have any friend who just doesn't seem ambitious? Perhaps, the one lacking the motivation to 'be all they can be' is you? Well, you're not the only one. So many guys out there are just drifting through life, unsure about what they should do with their existence. Various factors contribute to this condition; perhaps you're still living with your parents or you're poor or you just don't feel like anything is going well. Whatever the case, many of these people tend to abandon whatever dreams and personal desires that might have driven them at some point in their life. So don't be baffled if after collectively emptying 5 bottles of Alomo with your guys, you notice that friend of yours whom you've tagged as 'unmotivatably hopeless', passionately describing to the rest of the group, different personal projects that he believes will get him to the top! It's simple really. Alcohol makes one jolly and inhibits the stressed out part of the brain so most times, semi-drunk people, especially guys tend to look at things from a fresh, bother-free perspective. And if you notice his plans make sense to you, then it's either they're really good or you're also drunk.
Religion
The eternal debate for religious supremacy is one that will never end until all of humanity is claimed by the cold embrace of The Grave- which is not going to happen anytime in the near or far future- and neither will the constant search for spiritual understanding and the truth about what's out there. As long as there are people who are asking, there will always be debates, conversations and discussions concerning religion in general. Alcohol doesn't help matters either as it tend to boost a guy's urge to either believe in something or to defend what he believes in. Plus, the depressant property of booze tend to give guys this calm, serene approach towards such topics and before you know it, your guy begins to sound like a preacher, theist or even the pope in your ears as he begins to analyze controversial subjects with such refinement, you wonder if he hasn't been overtaken by some spirit. The other reaction would be to become insanely aggressive about the issue of religion and bark out his eternal dislike for anything on a pulpit or wearing a tesbir.
Sex
The fact that alcohol dampens anxiety and worry makes it the ultimate choice for guys that are shy and barely express themselves. Its effect is even worse on guys that are already confident and have high self-esteem. Now, it doesn't matter whether you're a sinner or a saint, good guy or a he-goat, playboy or perv, gay, straight, bi-sexual or plain curious; one constant to be expected is this- so long as you're guys, once you're drunk, the issue of sex will always pop up in your discussions. So many gradients of the topic can manifest- weird sex positions, cheating, freaky fetishes, sexual conquest stories(especially that), fantasies, even the morally accepted topics like the consequences of pre-marital sex, sex and the religious life, sexual perversions amongst religious leaders....even the seemingly blasphemous topics like did Jesus' disciples ever get laid, what kind of sexual positions did the people of ancient Isreal, Egypt and Babylon practise, did Samson ever sleep with Delilah, did she betray him because he was terrible in bed....the list is endless. But sex will be talked about.
Sleep
Well.....you're drunk. The one thing every drunk person fights is the urge to sleep. So it's not a surprise that the issue pops up in drunken conversation. Either you're talking about wanting to go to bed or about not wanting to go to bed or about how hungover you will be when you wake up the next day or about how you don't get hangovers because you're a badass or about how you hope you don't oversleep because you have to go to work tomorrow or about how you hope you'll wake up by noon because it's a weekend and you don't give a hoot. And then there's the reason that you can only sleep peacefully after hitting the bar for a couple of drinks. Sleep. An unavoidable topic.
Not that we're complaining sha.....
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