10 Problems Every Rich Nigerian Has


Everyone wants to be rich. Who doesn't love money? Money is power. Its the gateway to achievening every material fantasy you've ever had. Its the key to getting everything you've ever cast your eyes upon- cars, girls, houses, clothes, the latest Call of Duty game, concert tickets, VIP booths at clubs. Wealth and riches are lovely things to dream about and so is the prospect of achieving it. But this wish, when granted, usually comes with consequences and these reasons are why the popular phrase, 'the rich also cry' is totally accurate. Before you ask me if I'm speaking from experience, let me say that while I may not have been on the direct line of target, I have witnessed to a great extent what those who belong to the category of 'loaded-pockets' endure on a regular basis just because they have money. Therefore, from this observation, I've decided to state these reasons why I think being wealthy isn't exactly a state to be blindly coveted.


You Literally Cannot Live Where You Want

When you're rich, the options for a choice of residential address seem limitless. But they're actually not. While its easy to consider taking that condo close to Elegushi beach or that sweet-ass apartment up in Bourdillion or that 7-bedroom duplex up at Victoria Island, you just cannot help but to realize that your housing options are tied to the places kept aside for those belonging to the upper-class. To expatiate, living as a wealthy individual in your former, poverty-stricken neighborhood just doesn't seem practicable- no matter how nostalgic that environment gets you. And the reason is simple; you no longer fit in. You stand out. And you automatically draw a bulls-eye on your back for exploitation, robbery and social prejudice just because you have more money than basically half the entire neighborhood. You see where I'm going with this?


Half Your Friends Love You For It

Yes, being wealthy is a popularly-coveted status. However, it becomes hard living as who you truly are when the people who surround you are solely focused on how much you can spend at a club, donate at a charity function or give out at a Landlords Association. Money attracts all sorts of individuals, especially those whose only objective is how to help you spend it. These individuals tolerate you, if your hand is somewhat extending, love you if you're generous and adore you if you're the type who throws cash around. The rule is pretty simple- the bigger you spend, the more you're loved. You cannot really blame them since humans are drawn to good things and because you have the means to make that dream come true for many, they flock around you- even if it means they only get to live vicariously through you. Its a sad reality.


The Other Half Hate You For It

Envy. Its a persistent plague found in humans from every walk of life. And it is more prevalent among the poor. The reality that you are blessed with the capacity to afford the good things of life puts you in the cross-hairs of those who cannot. And they despise you for it. It's not your fault that they weren't smart enough to invest in a few good stocks and shares or did not chase a prospective, lucrative business venture that would have raked millions into their pocket. Their laziness and fear to risk put them on the other side of life. But no... They will never see it that way because one of the reason a poor person stays in poverty is his inability to recognize when he's utterly to blame for anything. Instead of owning up to their own shortcomings, they usually just choose the most obvious and conspicuous subject as their of contempt- which tends to be the materially comfortable.


Everyone 'Needs Your Assistance'

Once you hit the jackpot, you automatically become a sure source of help to everyone. And true, some of these people happen to fall in the scope of those who actually deserve your aid. But most do not. Most just believe that since you have the Cheddar, it is their fundamental human right to walk up to you and say 'broda, e jo, e epp mi.'. The annoying thing is they are usually so selfish and close-minded that they actually believe you are obligated to render that help. Imagine their reaction when you tell them you cannot. They refuse to believe it and you immediately become tagged with the title, 'stingy rich man'. Infact, it is a generalized belief that if you're rich , you MUST give people assistance in one way or the other. Anything contrary to that is unacceptable. Manage the prejudice, dear. It comes with being at the top.


You Literally Cannot Eat What You Want

It's an amazing feeling knowing you can pay for anything you wish for once you walk into a restaurant. And it wouldn't matter to you if it's a 5-star Chinese restaurant on the far side of Lekki or a down-to-earth bukkah over at Mushin or Oworonsoki. However, eating at the second option may pose problems for a wealthy individual. For one thing, people think you're eating there 'cos you're too stingy to go to Mama Cass. Or they might start to assume that for a rich person like you to park his 2018 model Range Rover and cross a filthy gutter just to eat a steaming plate of amala with gbegiri and ewedu with 'orisirisi' at a joint popularly known for its poor hygienic methods as a sign that the owner of said ship must have laced her meal with 'mmiri otu'. The end result would be that not only will you be tagged as a rich miser but you'll also end up ruining a thriving business simply because you craved 'igboro okele'. Sucks, right?


Your Integrity Is Scrutinized

Ah.... This is an assumption that is not usually very far from use by people in our beloved Naija. It's a popular mentality among the less privileged to assume that virtually every stinking rich person got his wealth by ill means. Sure, you might find one way or the other to convince people that you started out just as destitute as they are and worked hard to achieve all you enjoy today but most of them would never believe it anyways. Once the rumors start, it will spread faster than a desperate chick's legs and you'll find yourself being called a ritualist, a yahoo boy or as one of the crafty politicians who fill their bellies with portions of the national budget and hard-earned taxpayers' money. It really wouldn't matter whether you live by the highest moral standards, some people will still assume your ways aren't pure. Remember this point when you see certain people look at you with a cautious expression when you step out of your Chevrolet Camarro GT at a local parish in Iyana-Iyesi.


Nobody Believes You Have Problems

Omo, no be lie o! Even I have been guilty of this thought. The problem with being poor is that you develop a sense of central existence. You believe no one out there can have problems as massive as yours- even when your problem is simply how to get 200 bucks to stake what you see as a sure game on bet9ja. And that thought becomes stronger when you see a person driving by in his luxury car. You begin to ask yourself how you could possibly 'whyne' him to 'last' you a few thousand Naira notes. Notorious B.I.G. wasn't joking when he sang that 'the more money we come across, the more problems we see'. So many challenges start to spring up once your monthy earnings rise up by a few zeros- taxes, family issues, health issues arising from the constant worry that some hoodlums may harass you in your car as you drive by or break into your house asking in thick, mean voices, 'wey the dollars?!!!!'. Well, don't expect sympathy from the poor. They don't believe you have setbacks. And even when they do, they wish they had YOUR setbacks! 


Making Real Friends Is Hard

One problem that comes with having lots of money is that you find it hard to determine who loves you genuinely. Of course, you'll have a few good friends but in the end, you'll always wonder if the entirety of your crew truly care about you or if some of them just hang around in the hope that a few bills will drop off the millions they think you've acquired. Then you also have to figure out which one. Making new friends is even worse. How sure are you that the guy you met at the concert and felt generous enough to pay for his ticket, his refreshments and his souvenirs isn't just gumming you because of it? Or that the girl you found attractive and decided to pay for her drinks at the bar or club isn't being frisky just because she knows that after the john has cummed, a few hundred will migrate from your pocket to her purse? Do not be surprised if you find yourself asking these questions once you've begun to attain the 30million account balance status.


Finding True Love Is Harder

True love. We all want it. We all want to feel special. We all want to hear the voice of our subject of romantic interest refer to us as, 'my love'. We all want to bask in the knowledge that the other person cannot eat, sleep, breath or live without us. Sounds great, right? Well, not when when you're rich because then certainty of this goes out the window. That we live in a country where the people are heavily materialistic(blame it on the economy and poor education scheme) has already made it tough to find one's soulmate and it's tougher for the rich. On one side, if you marry someone with even slightly the same wealth level as you, it might end up a dick-swinging contest. And if you marry someone below your financial level, you find it hard to sleep at night or eat her food or even move around in your chauffeur-driven car because you worry she might have found a way to 'do away with you' in order to emerge as the sole heir to all your assets. Devil and the deep blue sea.


Blending-In Is a Problem

Ogbeni, don't deceive yourself o! Money changes people!! Fine, your values and principles may stay intact(emphasis on 'may') but your physical state transforms from wretched to princely. Rich people have a particular aura around them that other rich and even poor people can sense. The same reason why that guy in a hot blazer and Calvin Klein jeans on Armani boots can sense that you're a 'kinsman' is also the same way that the average broke brother or sister can tell that you don't crap in a public toilet. Many wealthy people in search of genuine associations try to hide their financial status believing that it might influence the proces but trust me, it doesn't matter if you dress like typical TACSFON executive from University of Ibadan because non-rich people will still tell because you'll  stick out like a sore thumb. Your speech, your looks, even your very smell will definitely give you away so don't bother hiding. You're rich. Bear your cross.


People Think You're Pompous

There is a certain level of pride that comes with knowing you've made it. A kind of elevated feeling that takes you over once you've achieved your dreams. And if that dream is the kind that fetched you tens of millions, then whether you want to or not, you will definitely flaunt your newly-found fortune. No matter how humble you believe you are, you CANNOT escape this reality. To a certain extent, to a certain degree, you WILL want to show-off; perhaps at a club, or a party or in your desire to attend the best social events and mix with the 'creme de la creme' of society. Unknown to you, these actions change you. Now, deep down, you know you're still the same person- well, on the inside. But on the outside, these changes are highlighted- the way you walk, talk, eat and even take a piss transforms. And because poor people are so unfortunate, that they'll just sum it up in one simple sentence- 'bobo yen ti ma n gberaga ju!' Because to them, pride is pride. It hurts especially when you know you're not that kind of person.

Awa olowo ma n gbiyanju gan o....

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