Beer is an amazing drink. Everything about it is beautiful. The foamy froth...the tiny golden bubbles that rise from the bottom of the glass....the way it settles in the belly when you take that sip... It's therefore conclusive to call it 'Nectar of the Gods'. Statistically speaking(because I know anything that begins with that phrase tends to be believed), 8 out of 10 alcohol-lovers drink beer. And why not? There are so many reason why one can decide to lift a glass of brewski up their lips. But I'll give just ten.
Beer Makes You Jolly
Picture yourself at a party. Everyone is having fun, people are dancing, guys are rocking girls, phone numbers are being exchanged, bastards are being made in bathroom stalls and back of parked cars but for some reason, you don't feel so celebratory. Instead, you're sad and down and what's worse is you really wish to enjoy the party. Well, here's a solution- order a big pint of Gulder and I guarantee you that before you reach the bottom of the glass, you'll be counting the blessings you never imagined you had.
Beer Makes You Honest
You wish to talk to that someone you really care about? Or you just want to express your thoughts? Or perhaps you just feel like emptying your heart to your guys or your girls(yes! Women love beer too! What are we in, the Stone Age?)? Then grab a bottle of Heineken and chug it down! And if it's not enough, grab another. And another... And another after that. Before you know it, you'll be spilling every dirty, crazy, nasty, evil(and good) intentions you have for that individual faster than a man or woman compelled by Wonder Woman's magic Lasso!
Beer Gives You Dancing Abilities
Ah.... You're the clumsy, shy, self-conscious type who knocks out everything that moves or stands when they hit the dance floor? Have you been plagued with mean nicknames like 'Chicken Legs' or 'Shigidi' because you lack the capacity to boogie down? Do you wish to impress your friends so they would stop teasing you for not being able to groove? No problem. A few of bottles of Trophy would solve that problem. Beer turns you from the nonrhythmic klutz who cannot differentiate between a two-step and a bounce to Michael Jackson. Its a sure thing. You'll definitely get the crowd going afterwards. Heck! They'll form a circle around you, fam!
Beer Gives You Confidence
Why worry about what to say when you see a sexy, voluptuous hon shaking her fufu ass and her melon boobs past you ? Baba! Just sidon, step down some nice, chilled, lip-smacking bottles of Harp and before you know it, you'll be transformed into a toasting guru. You'll become Ramsey Noah, Van Vicker, Chidi Mokeme and Joseph Benjamin all rolled into one. The babe wouldn't stand a chance, walai. If e no work, slap me!
Beer Helps You Tap Your Sixth Sense
Sight, hearing, touch, vision, taste.... So overrated. Many people do not know they possess what is known as a 'third eye'- a sixth sense, if you will. One that reveals to you ideas your normal human mind will never have thought up. Beer does that to you. It 'opens your eye'. It gives you access to that subconscious part of your persona between the physical and the astral realms. It shows you truths about the most trivial matters- politics, religion, sports, fashion, entertainment...you name it. Heck! With the right amount of beer in your system, you could even become clairvoyant! Oh, you don't believe me? Grab a bottle or two...or to be very certain, say....nine. You'll attest to this.
Beer Boosts Inspiration
Are you stuck on a project or you're finding it difficult to think up ideas about how to complete a job? Are you trying to muster up motivation to chase a job prospect? Or perhaps, you're just like me, trying to figure out a way to write riveting lines to get readers glued to your article? Well, do what I did. I sat at a bar, gulped down a few bottles of 33 Lager and voila! This beautiful masterpiece was born! And if you're one of those who come to read an article just to point out loopholes, well I say to you.... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
Beer Helps You 'Last Longer'
It is a fact of life that downing a few bottles of your favorite beer into your system gives your 'little Johnny' the endurance range of a wildebeest. Beer transforms you into Johnny Sins. If you're worried about lasting as long as Lex Steele (yes. Another pornstar reference. Sue me), all you have to do is settle down with some nice bottles of 'Odeku'(ehn...before you eat me alive, I know Guinness is stout but...tomato, tomato). You do that and I assure that when you're done, the coochie gon' be smokin' like a car radiator that just did a route from Abuja to Lagos and back.
Beer Helps You Make Friends
There is a reason why guys and girls meet up over a couple of brewskies. It's simply because beer is the ultimate drink for socializing. People build relationships over a few(and in most cases, a lot) of beer. Divorces are overturned over brews, quarrels are settled over many drinks at a bar, friends become friends of friends during drink sessions, business meetings turn into casual events once beer is served....the list is endless. This golden drink is responsible for many bonds, bromanships and hugs. It soothes the mind to such a level that forgiveness becomes as easy as tying your shoelaces. Yes, beer is the number one tool for convergence of hearts.
Beer Helps You Be A Friend
There is a special feature embedded in the drink of the deities and it is simply this- beer makes you lovable. You take a few bottles of Hero and presto! you turn into, Dr. Phil. In a really short span of time, you'll be walking around all smiles and hugs with contagious, fist-pumping enthusiasm. You'll be giving sound counsel to those who feel lost. You're petting the broken-hearted and coaxing them slowly out of sadness. You're cheering along the football fans and positively criticizing favorite movies of people you just met. You'll even be dropping lyrics to songs favored by a crew of dudes and dudettes you don't know. Believe me when I tell you this- Beer improves your social skills.
Beer is Beer
The delicious taste of hops, barley and distilled water all rolled into one cool, soothing drink that serenades your inner senses. The comforting feel that comes with the gentle hint of its buzz. The overwhelming, chilled goodness bodied by an alluringly shaped glass bottle, labeled 'Budweiser'?
Need I say more?
I'm gonna go get some sleep now.
What has beer done for you? Share below. Don't be shy.
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